Forward to Book III
by Ryan Heafey
 

Regarding the forward by Ryan Heafey, it should please be noted that  Ryan and I (the author) bonded at a very early age. He was exceptionally candid and trustful. His Dad was a brilliant attorney;  a very successful professor and author but Ryan didn't want any of "that."  He wanted to be a big equipment operator. He wanted to  create things with his hands and feet driving, and repairing, those machines of extraordinary size and power.

Well, Ryan is driving them. He owns them. And, he is a "happy camper."

The Author

For JACK

My name is Ryan Heafey. Ryan who? It doesn’t matter; keep reading. I have only known three Simpsons in my life; Jack, O.J., and of course Homer. Jack is the only one I really know and we call him “Suitcase”, but when I was a small child living in Oakland, California with my father, he was “Uncle Squishy Juice”.

The first real memory of Suitcase was when I was about 10 years old and Matt (my brother) was 6. My dad had this friend who came over to the house and we were introduced to him as “Uncle Suitcase”; he was young like my father and full of swagger and bravado. He had, what at the time seemed liked huge biceps, which he liked to flex for us kids. He would say, “Hey! you want to see what solid steel feels like?” and point to his bicep. We felt it and it was hard as a rock, but we told him it felt like squishy juice. That’s where “Uncle Squishy Juice” came from.

When Jack came over to visit it was bedlam at our house because he flew around like he flew planes, fast and low. My brother and I figured we could take the macho Simpson and coaxed him into a pillow fight in my room. He hit me so hard with that pillow I saw lightning and thought I had been knocked out. I couldn’t cry in front of him, so I attacked again and again. Finally, I guess he had enough of toying with us because he grabbed the mattress off the bed and pinned my brother and me under it. We were screaming now fearing he was going to deprive us of oxygen until we died, so we screamed for our dad. Our father ran into the room and started yelling at Jack but Jack countered with, “I’m just trying to teach them how to be men”. Oh yeah! My dad was a lawyer and he lived by the book so, Uncle “Suitcase” gave us our life lessons on pain threshold and not quitting even when Matt and I were overwhelmed.

Next time I remember “Uncle Squishy Juice”, was when he and my dad were going on a date. (My dad and mother had divorced). In walks, “The Juice” with two drop-dead beautiful women to whom he introduced me. I don’t remember their names. I do remember their bodies and faces, though! And I also remember him saying one of them was a Playboy bunny. Gee, I didn’t think she looked like a bunny. Besides who needed that! I had the Sears catalog and wanted to check the new bras. Kids now days have it made; Victoria Secret, Venus Swimwear, Fredrick’s of Hollywood, etc. Hell, that’s not mentioning the inter-net and cable.

I always remember in my dad’s office at home there was a picture of Jack and my father at some black tie function and Jack was being his usual self and was leaning back telling a story and everyone around was laughing, especially my father. Needless to say they both had cocktails in their hands and obviously had consumed several prior to the photo being taken. I will always remember that picture PLUS---the first time “Suitcase” got me arrested.

About that arrest! My dad allowed Uncle “Suitcase” to take me to his ranch in Springville, California when I was about 12 or 13. I’d have to check the arrest date to be sure. Anyhow, we went to Jack’s “Mums the Word Ranch”, in Springville. I was from the city and to me this was BFE (Bum F---Egypt). Suitcase said a friend of his had a daughter and the kids were going to a BBQ later that night and would I like to go. I, of course, asked what she looks like. He told me she was cute so I said I was in. We were introduced and someone drove us to the BBQ, which was bullshit; it was really a county kegger in the middle of BFE. I had never drunk alcohol before (unless you count the wine in the back of the church after altar boy duties; forgive me Lord for I have sinned) so they asked me if I wanted a beer. I said, “I would like a Coke because I’m not old enough to drink.” They all laughed like it was a joke and gave me a beer. I drank and drank and drank and the next thing I remember someone was helping me get up off the ground. I was thanking them just as I saw the word SHERIFF as we walked past the car that I was placed in the rear of, with handcuffs, so I couldn’t show them my pillow fight tactics my Uncle Suits had shown me. The next day, or actually for several days, I wasn’t feeling very well. After “Suitcase” bailed me out of juvenile hall he said my dad was pissed. I remember at juvenile hall they kept asking me were my parents or guardian were so they could call them. I couldn’t tell them where my uncle lived and the “Mums the Word Ranch” wasn’t in the phone book; neither was Uncle “Suitcase”, so they called my dad. My dad called Jack and I’m glad I was in jail and not listening to that conversation. I think we both learned a lesson in hard knocks that day.

Uncle “Suitcase” thought it was odd I became a cop after that experience. But he even came to my hometown several times to ride alone with me on my “beat”. I think he was scared even though he would never admit it. He has always been there for me even when I wanted to get out of the cop business and buy a tow truck company in Lake Tahoe. He studied the business and was an advocate and argued for me with my dad. He thought it to be a very good deal. My dad said it wasn’t a wise investment, which translated to, “I don’t want to tell my friends my son owns a tow truck company”. I saw huge potential and for $150,000 it was a good deal.

Anyhow, the deal didn’t materialize. I was told by a friend of mine at my father’s funeral last year that company just sold for a couple million. We tried to tell him, but you can’t argue with a lawyer. Well you can, but at least I didn’t have to pay him his hourly fee.

“Suitcase” showed up and took my brother, sister and me to lunch the day my dad died. We all had a great conversation and had fun watching “Suitcase” work his magic on us by taking away our dread for what was about to transpire. We parted with fond hugs in front of the hospital and 30 minutes later my father died. “Suitcase” was always there for us whenever we needed him; now, he is like a father we don’t have anymore.

I love to read and expand my mind by always having a book within arms’ reach. I picked up reading from my dad and Uncle “Suitcase.”  Both are avid readers. When I read BOOK I, and then BOOK II of SOCRATES ‘N SUITS, I learned about the part of Jack I never knew, and a lot about the part I did know. I felt like a lot of things came together for me-- about who I was and why I turned out the way I am. It was in no small part to Jack’s love and support that I constantly try to become the beautiful person that everyone likes to see in a man today.

Thanks Jack, for keeping us focused on what life is all about!