Excerpt From Book III
The Dating Game
 

SELLING IN “THE LANGUAGE of the CUSTOMER”!

IT WORKS MANY WAYS

 After I resigned from my experimental flight test career at Lockheed and entered the world of competitive business, I met a number of men who were all former military pilots now flying for the airlines, namely United, TWA, and American. Nice guys, all! Most of them were single which meant most of them loafed at Panchos; sitting around pumping sunshine up the ass of many stewardesses and bull shi—-ing each other about breaking 200’ ceilings with minimum visibility. Some evenings I would sit down and match their wits in the stewardess arena but I couldn’t match their flying skills when it came to weather. Since all my flying was in the “X” discipline, my weather had to be viewed as CAFB or “clear as a fu—-ing bell.”

One evening soon after I sat down, one of the guys said, “We have been talking it over, Suitcase”, and we decided to put you to the real test. We submitted your name and address to THE DATING GAME.” (It was about 9 months old then—-creating quite a stir on TV.) “We have some pretty good money bet here, pro and con, as to whether or not you would accept the challenge.”

I didn’t say a word! The waitress came to the table, with a facial expression indicating to me she was in on the deal, and said, “Good evening, Suitcase. What will it be?”

I looked up at her and with a smile said, “Come off it Barrie. You know I always have a dry vodka martini before dinner. You hurried over here to find out what my answer would be to the challenge these pseudo intellectuals just threw at me. Well, I’ll tell you! I accept their act of taunting another, namely me, to do something intentionally provocative.” And as I turned toward my friends I added, “And I expect to win! And when you bring me my drink, I will raise my glass on high to the ones that bet ‘pro’. The others, well, I don’t know what to say except they are going to lose their money.”

And they did! I survived the “weeding out” process at the studio and soon thereafter received word, by registered mail, the date, time, and instructions—-acceptable wear, appearance, demure, (reserved, modest, serious—-up to the individual,) importance of personality, being yourself, stuff like that!

When I arrived at the studio I was given a briefing, along with the other contestants (three men at three intervals—-you know, time set aside for commercials) the background of the lady the winner would be “dating,” (our blind date was a dancer from Canada on her way to the New York stage in a production starring John Raitt, or Robert Goulet, or some other male of notoriety. We were also told where we would be seated (on high chairs), the lady’s location—-behind a curtain, etc., etc. Everyone was very friendly, social, companionable, and we were free to make ourselves at home until a few minutes before “ON THE AIR.”

While walking around the front of the seating arrangements for the audience, I noticed three girls in the front row of the studio. They seemed to be having a good time, laughing, gesticulating, and showing some strong feelings about something they were laughing about. It was at that time something hit me. I was struck with an idea on how I could win!

I walked over to the girls, introduced myself as a contestant, and asked if they would help me win.

“Win!,” one of the girls said as she looked at her friends. “How could we do that?”

“Well,” I said, “this is the way I would like to see it work. With your collective help, of course! Our blind date will be separated from the three of us with a curtain. She will ask us, on an individual basis, about three questions and her choice of her “date” will be made only on how well she feels we answered her queries plus the response of the audience. With the exception of the curtain, all of us will be able to see each other; our date and the audience, the three of us men and the audience. When our lady friend asks me a question, I’ll answer by acting as if one of you in my date and I’ll answer in such a fashion that will make you feel good and happy. After all! That’s what a good date does! What do you think?

They looked at each other, smiled, clapped their hands with a state of joyful exuberance and said, “Sure! We’ll help! It will be fun!”

My “competitors” were: a dancer from the same stage in Canada where our blind date was from; he actually escorted her to LA for the game. Nice guy but I think he was a little light in his tennis shoes. The other gentleman was big, gruff looking, but well mannered; an insurance salesman.       

Lights came on, a man warmed up the audience, the Master of Ceremonies jumped out with all the smiles of a jackpot winner, and then took the time to introduce us---the three contestants. And then the rumble of the drums and the introduction of the attractive, beautiful, made of qualities that delight the eye, a dancer from the lovely city of Quebec, Canada, Miss Dianne, behind the curtain, Druckner. Yea! Yea! Clap! Clap! Clap!!!

“All right, Ladies and Gentleman, let’s get started. And the first question Dianne is directed to who?”

“Contestant #1; can you hear me?”

“Gees,” I said to myself, “that’s me!” I looked at my three girls out front and said to them, “Yes, Dianne, I can hear you and I am sure you are as pretty as your voice.”

The three girls liked that. My date was a little startled but gained her composure and said, “Number 2! What would you do if you and I had just met and found ourselves marooned on a warm, Pacific island?”

Number 2 was quick with a pretty good answer. “I’d grab you hand and we would explore the island.”

“How about you Number 3?” He fumbled the ball. I think he tried to sell her insurance or somethin’”

“And how about you No. 1?” I immediately said, “I’d grab your hand, put it around my waist and worry about the island later. I’d explore you! Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your figure! And with that I took my two arms and made an hourglass figure while looking straight at the girls!

That did it! They went crazy, the audience loved it, and by the time our thirteen minutes of fame expired she had picked No. 1! I jumped from the stage and hugged the three girls. I sold myself “in the language of the customer.”

I met a lovely lady. She and I made plans with the studio to meet about a week later. We went to dinner at a great restaurant in Hollywood and then danced the night away at a place called “Shelley’s Manhole.” I invited the chauffer to join us, and the two of them danced like Gene Kelley and Ginger Rodgers. 

All in all, a truly great night! A great experience! I love competition! My pilot “friends” didn’t say a word. A great lesson to be learned here also! Not one of them said a simple “congratulations”; even from the ones’ that made money. I think their recognized standards of conduct are limited to a “check list.”